Relationship problems that a licenced counsellor says can't be fixed

Every couple learns at some point that trust, conversation, and closeness are important for a relationship to work. If your relationship with your partner feels like a dangerous balancing act, it might be time to take a step back and look at things again.

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Sure, even the healthiest relationships have their rough spots. But some problems are harder to solve than others, and if they aren’t fixed, they can literally end the relationship.

Glam talked to licensed professional counsellor Jeff Guenther in Portland to get inside information on the relationship danger signs and red flags to look out for. You can find Guenther on TikTok and Instagram. Since 2005, he has worked with both pairs and single people. He says that these five problems are very bad for relationships and may mean that your current relationship isn’t right for you.

Taking Small Gestures For Granted

One sign that your relationship is in trouble is when your exchanges stop being close and caring and start to feel more like you’re with a flatmate. “Over time, if you stop doing little things to show affection, like compliments, flirting, touching, or spending quality time together, it’s like you’ve become roommates and only see each other in the hallway,” Jeff Guenther tells Glam in an exclusive interview. “This creates a significant gap, making it feel too daunting to mend things, or perhaps you’ve already emotionally moved on.”

For example, it’s usual for couples who live together or get married to fall into the fatal flatmate phase. It’s important to keep the spark alive by prioritising quality time and romantic acts to keep the relationship healthy. If not, this could send the message that you don’t care about or prioritise the other partner, whether you mean to or not. The relationship may have hit a point of no return, though, if both people have given up or don’t think it’s worth the work.

Repetition of Arguments

In every relationship, fights and differences happen all the time. Things get worse when you keep arguing about the same things over and over again. In a special interview with Glam, Jeff Guenther says, “Repeated arguments about the same problems that haven’t been solved or fixed lead to deep-seated anger, contempt, and emotional exhaustion.” “This means even minor disagreements trigger a sense of ‘here we go again’ followed by shutdown and withdrawal.”

To put it another way, if every fight makes one or both of the partners shut down or feel angry, then no argument is productive and only makes things worse between them. This starts a bad loop that gets harder to break over time, leaving needs unmet and tension high all the time. Going after the relationship may not seem worth it at this point because “the emotional journey to fix things then seems too overwhelming.”

Want to be independent

“Sometimes, one partner wants to be free outside of the relationship.” “This is often not about the partner not being good enough; it’s about a journey of self-discovery,” Jeff Guenther tells Glam. In a relationship, wanting to be alone sometimes is normal and good, but only to a certain point. Sometimes, one partner’s need for freedom makes the other person feel confined or stuck, which is when the relationship ends.

It’s important to note that “the partner seeking independence might still love their significant other, but this need often leads to feelings of being trapped, creating a gap in the relationship that’s hard to bridge.” This could cause problems that can’t be solved if the person wants to be independent for a deeper reason that isn’t being dealt with or if the other partner keeps feeling ignored. Someone can’t just give the other person more space to fix the problem in this situation; if that person feels “trapped” in the relationship, leaving it may be their only choice.

Going Crazy For Someone Else

In an exclusive interview with Glam, Jeff Guenther says, “Developing feelings for someone outside the current relationship usually means that your emotional needs aren’t being met.” “Perceived as a significant betrayal, this erodes trust and breaks emotional connections.”

Couples don’t just trust each other overnight; it takes time to build trust. Lack of trust, which is an important part of any relationship, is enough to end it. Betraying someone in this way can break their trust, and the damage to the connection may be too much for some people to handle. If this happens more than once or if one partner’s sexual desire leads to cheating, the trust may never come back. Often, this makes the connection unhealthy, with one or both people being angry at the other. According to Guenther, “the shifting of affection to someone else makes it very hard, if not impossible, to fix the first relationship.”

Getting Apart

We all know that relationships change over time. But why does this happen? “Sometimes, partners just grow apart,” Jeff Guenther told Glam in an exclusive interview. “This can cause unexpected changes in the relationship.” He also said, “As people grow, their interests, beliefs, or needs may change, making them incompatible.” This isn’t always the fault of anyone and can happen at any time, but it could mean that the relationship is over.

A lot of couples change their relationship to fit their new goals or needs, but it’s normal for some people to have trouble with these changes. When both people have moved too far apart, it’s hard to close the gap and rebuild an emotional connection.

Having said that, it’s important to remember that trying to fix a relationship doesn’t have to fail just because you see signs of one or more of these problems. There are a lot of things that affect how relationships work. If both people are ready to put in the work, seeing a relationship counsellor can help figure out what the real problems are.